In the past few months, we’ve had a number of family and friends share their concern that our travel will cause long-term emotional and psychological damage to our children. The concerns shared with us include the difficulty of making friends (especially long term friends), and a sense of ‘not belonging’ caused by not having a single place to call home.
It’s happened enough times now that I thought we should share our thoughts on the issue. Before I get started, I want to make clear that we are not offended by these concerns. They come from family and friends who love us, and they or those they know have struggled with these issues as a result of frequently moving during their childhood years. We are honored that they care enough for us to be concerned for the welfare of our kids. The thoughts we share here relate to our family, and are not intended to cast judgement upon the struggles of others.
Why ARE we traveling with our kids?
Over two years prior to starting our full-time travel, we’ve observed the effects that our travel has had on our family. In two separate, weeks long trips, we began to notice changes in both our children and ourselves as parents. The kids are filled with a sense of wonder and learning. They became much better friends with each other, becoming allies instead of enemies. Jess and I found ourselves much more aware of each child’s accomplishments and struggles. We found ourselves in a much better position to connect with them, to guide them and teach them as they grow.
THAT is our reason for travel. Neither Jess or I had goals that included the types of travel we are engaged in. Though excited by the possibilities that this lifestyle affords, we still have not set goals for a certain time or distance traveled. We will travel until it is no longer right for our family. We have plans, goals, and desires that are unable to be fulfilled during travel. As soon as the right thing for our family requires something different, we will make the required changes and fill those needs.
We travel FOR our kids, not in spite of them.
We believe that a family is the strongest bond and association that kids can have, and that no other organization can fulfill the needs as well as a family can. We believe that a strong sense of family identity is one of the most important things that will help children form their own identity. Knowing who they are stems from who their family is, and will help them relate to others more easily.
I grew up without a TV in the house because my parents deliberately chose not to have one. The friends I made at school all connected with each other through the television shows they watched, and I was unable to do so. As parents of three (later four) young boys, my parents established a pattern of hard physical labor. Our ability and willingness to work became central to our family identity. That family identity helped me form my own identity, one rooted in my ability to work. That identity made it easier to relate to other kids, despite the differences in our families and childhood experiences.
We believe that our travel and exploration will contribute to our family’s identity. We believe that seeing new places and meeting new people will expand the vision and understanding of our children, while giving them a stronger sense of who we are as a family, and they are as individuals. We are deliberately forming our family identity around WHO we are, and not WHERE we are from. Our children will surely live in various places in their life, but a sense of WHO our family is and WHO they are can conveniently travel wherever they go.
But what about friends?
Being friendly is an attribute being actively developed in our traveling children. As they meet other children along the way, they have learned how to quickly make friends, and get right down to having fun with minimal delay. Some of these other kids are met at campgrounds and state and national parks, and many are the kids of friends and family that we visit along the way.
Our kids do have long term friends, and we help them maintain these friendships though letters, phone calls, and video chats. We even use our travel to help those friendships, as we are currently on our way to meet some friends for a vacation in California. We will continue to support our children’s friendships, old and new, as we continue our travels.
So how long will we travel?
As an interesting note, those who have shared concerns with us have become concerned when they realize that our travels do not have a pre-defined end date. It appears that not the length of travel, but the undecided end of travel is the primary concern. Though I have not asked them, I suspect they would not have similar concerns if we announced that we wanted to set out on a 12 month trip around the country.
Let’s call it that then. Consider us on a 12 month trip around the country. Just be aware that it might be longer, and it might be shorter. We’ll know when we are done.
Identify Yourselves
Having benefited ourselves from a strong sense of family identity, we encourage that in other families. Your identity need not be centered around travel, or hard physical labor. It should also not be a carbon copy of another family identity, but uniquely your own, crafted to fit the needs of each family member. What is your family identity?
Although it may seem like we jumped into the decision to abandon our lifestyle and go mobile, it has actually been a long time in the making. We didn’t just wake up one day and decide to sell the minivan, buy an Airstream and a truck and drive into the sunset.
We love how it lights up our little campsite at night. We’ve gotten quite a few compliments from other campers as they’ve seen it during their evening walks as well. It just wouldn’t be Christmas without the tree.