Today I am an emotional mess. Only, it probably didn’t start today, it probably started the second we pulled up to the house in the Airsteam and it has just been building over the last week and a half.
One thing that I struggle with is I fixate on projects. If something needs to be done (craft, home improvement, buy a TV stand, whatever) I seriously can’t do anything else until its done. Sam laughs at me and we joke about it, but I honestly don’t understand why I’m like this. Sometimes its not a big deal, and sometimes its a serious problem. Right now I think I’m falling into the problem category.
We have stuff. Lots of stuff. And I want it gone. Yesterday. I’ve listed a bunch of our larger items on KSL and Facebook and we’ve sold over $900 worth but there’s still piles. Everywhere. Its not DONE. Until all we have in the house is our beds, dressers, furniture my siblings are taking and what we’ll take with us in the Airstream or put into storage I won’t be happy.
It’s ridiculous.
I really need to slow down.
And I don’t know how.
Technically we don’t have to be out of our house until June 23rd. JUNE! That’s like 2 months away. Why am I in such a hurry?
I’m also a terrible mother when I’m here. Remember the awesome-always-adventuring-with-her-kids-and-not-sick-of-them mom I was for the last 6 months? She’s disappeared. Probably has something to do with the whole fixation on getting everything cleaned out of our hour. Super awesome mom got shoved in a closet and crazy mom came out. Sigh.
I’ve really been praying a lot recently that the Lord will change my heart. That He will calm me down, and help me feel okay with my current situation. Just pray for us okay? This is hard. Harder than I thought it would be.
I feel for you, Jess. You are definitely Martha/Mary, except Martha is running a little crazy right now. It’s good that you are staying on top of things and being so productive, but these next two months have the potential to be just as much fun and make just as many memories as while you were on the road. Try making out a schedule for working on projects (even minor ones!) and if it’s not time for that job yet, don’t do it. Set aside time to be with your kids, your husband, or even just take time for yourself. Whether it’s going on day trips, spur of the moment picnics in the backyard, a romantic comedy the hubby after the kids go to bed, or just relaxing with a good book in a bubble bath, make the time to enjoy life! You don’t have to do everything today. You can be super productive mom AND super awesome mom.
Saying a prayer for you tonight…
Maybe this means you need to take a trip somewhere….like Hyrum, UT home of the famous one stoplight!
I can totally feel for you! we have lived allover the country for my husbands job. I homeschool too. moving is so stressful. I find that educational movies on Netflix have been my saving grace. plus I do try to have me time once a day while the baby sleeps. I hope you don’t mind if I keep reading your blog. It is so cool and I feel glad knowing other people live an unconventional lifestyle too!
I definitely don’t mind if you keep reading! Its really helpful to know others in similar circumstances. It helps us realize that we aren’t crazy!
Have you ever done the Gallup/Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment? It sounds like you have the Achiever strength theme. I have it too. It manifests itself as a relentless drive to accomplish something every single day. I have had those same moments when it takes over and makes me insane, but I have found that it is helpful to break that one nagging chore I want done into smaller pieces. Even if it is a “one step and done” sort of thing, like finding a TV stand. For instance, I might choose to just browse Craig’s List today for options. I do only that piece and then I feel like I have at least made forward progress. It also helps me to feel better about laying aside tomorrow’s other chores to go look at the item I found listed. Anyway, your strengths are definitely a part of how God designed you and we know He does not make mistakes. You are in my prayers!
what? it’s a sickness and NOT a way of life? I feel your pain. Some days I can’t figure out if I’ve slowed down…or if I’ve just turned into a procrastinator…or if i’m truly trying to enjoy the journey. You’re NOT a terrible mom, of course! You’re a mom with a ton of stuff on your plate and trying to organize it all so you can ALL be comfortable and enjoy the journey together. Try to be okay with sometimes saying, “it is what it is.” This coming from a person with a ‘to do’ list that is 8 pages long. literally. Praying for peace and compartmentalizing to you. hugs
Just catching up on your blog… I’m sorry that things have been tough since your return. 🙁 I hope that as more things get sold or donated and the house gets emptier you’ll start feeling better. Super Mom can come out to play again when you get back on the road. No parent is a super parent 100% of the time, so give yourself some slack for a little bit and then bring her back out again in a few weeks. Besides, if you’re always Super Mom your kids won’t appreciate it. 🙂 Sending you hugs!