Category: The 50 States

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Arizona WanderLog

Learning How to Just “Be” in the Desert for New Year’s

If you’ve followed us for any length of time, you’ve probably realized we move fairly frequently. We aren’t the type of travelers to sit in place for weeks on end, but are fueled by getting out and discovering new places.

It’s exhausting.

One of our goals this winter was to find free boondocking spots in the middle of the desert and just “be”.  Learn to relax and not be on the go all the time. I feel that perhaps a bit of the pressure to explore exotic and new places comes from social media. There’s always that pressure to post the next “amazing” photo, and I seem to struggle the most with the ability to let go.

Travel Dates: December 29, 2016 – January 4, 2017

As we sat in the Kofa desert near Quartszite, AZ for New Year’s Eve I had a chance to do exactly what we intended. It was difficult. I was antsy for a few days, even angry more than once. We were surrounded by amazing friends, yet I still struggled.

“Sometimes it feels like we are going in circles.”

“Being out in the desert has been fantastic – have you ever smelled creosote bushes after a rainstorm? 😍 At the same time I’ve been digging deep and trying to discover why I couldn’t just boondock for weeks at a time like some of our friends can.

I think it comes down to being bored. There’s really nothing out here. We went on the 1 mile “hike” up Palm Canyon, looked for quartz crystals, and visited the spiral labyrinth. And…That’s about all there is. There’s not really even a proper grocery store in the nearest town about 20 minutes away. But why does that matter? Why can’t I just be?

I think I pressure myself to provide opportunities for my kids and my expectations have inflated in the process. Exploring has taken the place of soccer, dance classes, or piano so when there’s nothing to explore I just feel empty and impatient. We’ve tried to expand our collection of outside toys so that I can just send my kids outside to play, but it’s still hard. For some reason that’s not enough for me. It’s not good enough. Not interesting enough. Not epic enough to reflect the lifestyle we are living.

I’m hoping this winter I can change. Not everyday needs to be epic hikes or science museums. I hope I can be content to sit outside and read, or throw around a frisbee with my kids. That just being together is enough. Less focusing on social expectations of our life and more being content with who I am.”

One afternoon we completed the only “hike” the area. An easy 2 mile round trip up Palm Canyon. We arrived back to the truck thinking that wasn’t “enough” but maybe it was.

Stephanie & Gus (@stephaniewv81 & @gm3sf) spearheaded a New Year’s Eve Potluck dinner. We gathered as nomads and feasted on chicken pot pie, cornbread, tacos, bean dip, chili, salad, and plenty of dessert.  Sam and I didn’t make it until midnight (hard to see the point when there’s 9am church the following morning!) but we enjoyed the time we had chatting around the propane campfire and swapping stories.

Living in a community of nomads for a week is vastly entertaining. Everyone has work (and sometimes school) to accomplish during the day and we often keep to ourselves. Evenings were spent playing games (thanks to everyone who helped us out with our prototype card game!), hanging out in trailers with a grand lounge, or playing frisbee before dinner. Our kids especially loved playing with Gus & Stephanie’s dog Gracie. She’s super cute and little and the kids all agreed we needed a dog her size. Sam and I disagreed.

We celebrated one final evening together at the local pizza joint in honor of Heather’s birthday (@h_livingistheadventure). Armed with noise makers, cake, & ice cream we took up an entire corner of the restaurant and probably brought the average age down a decade or two as Quartszite is a popular place for retirees in the winter.

“Morning in the Airstream often looks like this. Andrew snuggling @jesscurren in our bed, Cara getting started on schoolwork, and a few dishes that didn’t get washed last night. I get to watch the morning unfold as I work from the table.” -@telegramsam

As it came time for most of us to move on I honestly became nostaglic. I enjoyed having friends close by without the pressure to really “do” anything. There were a few evenings Sam and I snuggled under a blanket outside in our camping chairs and gazed in awe at all the stars.

I think I finally started to relax. I’m hoping we can have more experiences like that this winter and can’t wait to meet up with our friends again down the road.

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State Parks Utah WanderLog

Meeting Grandparents at Snow Canyon State Park

Snow Canyon State Park is one of those hidden gems. Although it’s relatively close to Zion and Bryce Canyon National Parks, this place is a worthy destination by itself. Plenty of rock scrambling, lava tubes, sand dunes, hiking, and gorgeous landscapes to keep anyone busy for days.

We were here back in 2014 (although we had warmer weather!) and have always wanted to return. We convinced my parents to drive down from Salt Lake City the day after Christmas, and Snow Canyon SP was conveniently close to their rented condo. Perfect. We thoroughly enjoyed our snow-covered holiday at Zion National Park, but it was definitely time to get moving towards warmer temperatures.

Travel Dates: December 26 – 28, 2016

After getting set up at our campsite, we mostly relaxed. We ate dinner with my parents, the kids slept over at the condo for 2 nights (2 nights!) in a row, they swam, went out to lunch, Sam and I got a date, and Grandma & Grandpa treated us all to see Moana at the movie theater (it was just as good as everyone said!).

We spent one day exploring Snow Canyon and since we had two vehicles decided to shuttle one of the longer trails.

We started at the Lava Flow parking lot and hiked down into two of the tubes. My kids had been looking forward to this for weeks and thoroughly enjoyed scrambling through the caves with their Niteize headlamps (Amazon affiliate link).

From there we hiked out the Butterfly trail and then scrambled over the Petrified Dunes. I’m not exactly sure we followed the trail, but it was a lot of fun! Plenty of climbing up and over the rocks which kept the kids reliably entertained.

Once we reached Hidden Pinyon cutoff it was an easy downhill back to the campground. We grabbed my parent’s car and shuttled back up to Lava Flow to grab our truck. Easy peasy. Our total mileage was close to 3 – so nothing too crazy.

It was a little strange to wake up Thursday morning, pack up the trailer, dump the tanks and drive to pick up our kids from Grandma & Grandpa’s. Our kids usually help with most of those chores, but I can see the appeal of traveling just as a couple! Perhaps when the kids are gone we will have to do some Airstreaming on our own.

Temperatures in southern Utah were still a bit chilly, so after grabbing the kids we pointed our tiny, shiny house south to Arizona for some sunshine.

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National Parks Utah WanderLog

We Spend Christmas in Zion National Park

We made the decision last summer to do “one more” winter in the Airstream. Originally we had planned to take a break, rent a house, and teach the kids how to ski. After some long term planning, we decided that 2017/2018 was the ideal time for the that and everyone agreed we’d spend the winter traveling, exploring, and having a last full-time Christmas celebration in our shiny house.

Then the obvious question became “Where?”

Travel Dates: December 17 – 25, 2016

If you’ve learned anything about me, you’ll know that I’m a bit of a scheduler and planner. Add to that the stress of “one more” and needing it to be “epic” I kind of freaked out months before the holiday even arrived. Nothing was good enough. Nowhere seemed right. We’d throw ideas against the wall of the Western states and nothing would stick. I kind of sort of wanted to be near some family, the kids were dying for snow (despite also wanting to be in the Airstream – two things we had always sworn didn’t mix), and Sam wanted to be in the middle of nowhere in the desert. We decided California was too expensive, the Arizona desert was too remote for logistically making Christmas work, and Mexico seemed like a bad idea all around.

Eventually we settled on making reservations for 10 nights at Snow Canyon State Park in southwestern Utah. We had cousins that would be there visiting in-laws, and it was only 5 hours from my parents whom we thought could be enticed down to visit. The temperatures were forecasted to dip below freezing, but with some reflectix in the windows and generator time we thought we could make it work.

As the Christmas holidays crept closer and closer I kept re-thinking that decision. With our stay in Anza-Borrego State Park and the little solar we were able to utilize with the low winter sun, we had to run our generator quite a bit. Snow Canyon has limited generator hours right in the middle of the day (the perfect time to be out exploring) and we were not confident we could recharge after long night of using the furnace to keep warm.

I kept looking for more options and after playing with the idea of spending night at the lodge in Zion National Park, I casually mentioned to Sam that we could just take the Airstream to Zion instead. Watchman Campground was more expensive, but also had electric hook-ups. We’d be plugged in, could use our small space heater, and we’d be in the park to explore over Christmas! The only snag we could envision was the park service getting upset over us bringing in a Christmas tree.

That conversation led to me to remember that a group of traveling friends had camped on BLM land outside La Verkin (about 30 minutes from the entrance to Zion) on a beautiful bluff overlooking the Virgin River. No generator hours, free camping, and freedom to bring in 10 Christmas trees if we really wanted. This quickly became plan A, and we changed our reservations at Snow Canyon to just 3 days right after Christmas to coincide with my parents renting a condo and joining us in St. George for a few days.

After leaving Anza-Borrego we drove north splitting the drive with a stop in Las Vegas, finally arriving at the epic-sounding boondocking spot only to find it was literally a mud pit. We pulled off the side of the road to check it out on foot before driving down the dirt road, and Sam and I both sloshed and slipped in the mud. With rain and possibly snow in the forecast only going to make it worse, we called an audible and drove the 30 minutes into Zion hoping to snag a walk-up site at 5pm on a Monday evening.

Turns out when Plan B is fairly incredible, you don’t mind the change.

Christmas was everything I hoped it would be. We had fabulous weather for a few days and even managed to hike Hidden Canyon with our kids – a fairly steep ascent into a canyon using chains on part of the trail. We saw the Emerald Pools covered in ice, enjoyed the low crowds, bought our small Christmas tree which fit inside the Airstream Christmas Eve,  and woke up to snow on Christmas Day. We snuggled at night to stay warm and just enjoyed one of our nation’s most beautiful parks in all its winter glory.

“Upper Emerald Falls was fairly frozen on our visit yesterday. The kids spent a good 30 minutes using our hiking poles to break up the weaker sections and watch slabs of ice start a journey downriver. @telegramsam  fished this giant piece out and we marveled at the frozen bubbles inside. Not exactly a privacy shield but luckily there were few people up there with us!” -@currentlywandering

Staying right inside a National Park has some perks, including easy access to the park right outside your door. Our afternoon wander provided some excellent views and great fun. Merry Christmas! -@telegramsam

“Our casual drive around Zion turned a little more serious when we decided on a whim to hike Hidden Canyon. The part of the trail that wasn’t steep was cut into the rock and occasionally offered chains for safety. It was a challenge to us all, but most particularly to Cara and Rachel. Everybody was awesome, and we went home tired and happy.” -@telegramsam

“There’s something extra magical about an Airstream Christmas. The snow is sticking to the ground outside and our kids are going to wake up to a blanket of white in a National Park. I can’t wait!”-@currentlywandering

“Snowball fight! We decided to abandon our fancy breakfast plans in favor of a snowball fight before church earlier this morning. Always a good decision.” – @currentlywandering

“The kids opted to stay indoors with new toys (Legos! Paw Patrol! Watercoloring!) this afternoon while @telegramsam and I had a hiking date. We went up Watchman Trail and had fun sloshing in mud and slipping on sections of hard packed snow. I’ve concluded these red rocks all dusted with snow = 😍” – @currentlywandering

Sometimes our plans just fail. More often than not we aren’t sure of our location 2 weeks out. Its part of the lifestyle, and we have learned to roll with it. Sometimes however, things work out more beautifully than we could have imagined.  As Sam and I crunched our way through the snow up to the top of Watchman Trail on our hiking date, we looked at each other and just had to laugh at the winding path we took to get there. We wished everyone we passed a “Merry Christmas” as it truly was one of the best we’ve had yet.

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California State Parks WanderLog

Boondocking in Anza-Borrego Desert State Park

Anza-Borrego Desert State Park has been on our radar for years. There are miles of BLM land and we’ve watched many travelers spend weeks camping out in the desert for free. For the last two years, there has even been a social gathering of nomads for New Year’s Eve although we’ve never been close enough geographically to attend the party.

After a week in Disneyland, we figured that some desert solitude was just what we needed. With some advice from @upintheairstream about specific camping locations (you can find it here on Campendium), where to get water, the low down on the grocery and all the other essentials we made the drive from L.A. down to the park.

Travel Dates: December 11 – 15, 2016

It’s definitely called a “desert” for good reason. Lots of catcus, Ocatillo, shrubs, palo verde and every other desert plant that I absolutely love. Felt like coming home.  We camped in the wide open desert with visible neighbors, but no one close enough to feel like we had to be social. One neighbor had a fairly loud generator, but they were good about not running it at all hours of the night.

We made a point to get out and explore everyday, but mostly we got back into the groove of work & school after a fairly crazy couple of weeks. Here are some highlights from our stay:

Metal Art Sculptures

When I first saw photos of these metal art sculptures on the internet, I thought they were out in the middle of nowhere. Turns out, some are actually just right off the main road.  We got a map from the state park visitor center, and went off to find them.

I posted on my personal feed the other week about my struggles with home schooling. I had gotten overly ambitious and more concerned with workbooks and subjects than the magic of learning on the road. Today after a few subjects we went in search of these metal sculptures outside the town of Borrego Springs, CA. My kids were fascinated and thought they were the coolest things ever. Art class? ✔ -@CurrentlyWandering

Last week at Disneyland, we had encounters with Yeti, aliens, enemies from the Dark Side of the force, and other wildness. After a visit to see some cousins in Irvine over the weekend, we’ve made it into the desert. And now this angry dinosaur is going to eat the truck. – @TelegramSam

Hiking “The Slot”

The kids absolutely LOVE slot canyons, and we’d heard from multiple sources that “The Slot” is about as awesome as they come (great review & information on The Outbound). It took us about a half an hour to drive to the trail head and then we spent about an hour wandering around and exploring.

As far as slot canyons go, today’s was pretty fun! There’s something about squeezing through two canyon walls that seems to put a smile on everyone’s face. Wishing the rest of the night was just as epic. I’m lamenting our decision to cook dinner instead of dropping by Taco Tuesday night at the local restaurant. Can’t win them all I suppose. – @CurrentlyWandering

Good Morning! -@TelegramSam

Part of Disney recovery (and Jess therapy 101) is being more relaxed with our homeschooling. Even though I still stress about “not getting things done” I made a visible effort to just let the kids play all morning. They had so much fun cutting out snowflakes and hanging them back in their bedroom. Cooperation, fine motor skills, and symmetry are all useful skills, right?

Kids have spent all morning in their pajamas making and hanging snowflakes in their bedroom. Perhaps we’ve taken this un-schooling thing too far? -@JessCurren

We have been trying to adventure earlier than normal, since the sun seems to set shortly after lunch this time of year. We enjoyed sunset visiting a few of the many metal sculptures dotting the desert, arriving home after dark.

Dinner included some grilled sausage which required more effort than usual. The open desert likes to get windy in the morning and at night when the moving temperature differential produces unevenly heated air that insists on trading places. I carefully positioned the truck on the leeward side of the Airstream and set up the BBQ on the truck’s tailgate just in time for the wind direction to shift dramatically.
By sheer luck we had filled our two 5 gallon water jugs at the Chamber of Commerce in town, having between assured by @upintheairstream that filling containers in the dark from an unmarked spigot on the backside of the building was a totally normal thing to do. I positioned the water jugs on both sides of me as I stood in front of the BBQ on the tailgate, thereby forming a wind barrier sufficient for proper grilling of sausage.

I therefore present “Bikes in the Moonlight,” captured from my fixed position as a necessary wind barrier. Dinner was delicious.

Laundry, Swimming, & Dinner Out

We had a chore/laundry day in the middle. The only laundromat in Borrego Springs is at the RV park so the kids and I headed over there in the early afternoon. We had been contacted on IG by the owner of the RV park (he’s a fan) who offered to let the kids swim while we were there. Super gracious of him and we all appreciated the heated pool & hot tub!

Afterwards the kids and I attended a ranger program on phases of the moon. It was… slightly boring. Our kids were troopers though and we might have entertained ourselves by passing notes. So elementary school, but what can I say?

Another night we ate dinner at the Bighorn Bar & Grill located on the same property. It was delicious. Sam and I both got hamburgers, Rachel & Andrew shared a chicken, pesto, pasta dish, and Cara had the most amazing mac & cheese of the kid’s menu. Definitely get something with fries. They were to die for.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about how social media isn’t “real.” How we are all lying about how great our lives are and misrepresenting how difficult a life of adventure really is.

Our life is definitely not ALL rainbows and unicorns, but it IS pretty freaking amazing. We do school, we work. We have times where we are just nose to the grindstone on a project, and days where we just want to be in a house. The difference is that we have made it a priority to get out Every. Single. Day.

We’ve also given up many hobbies and other pursuits to travel, freeing time for outdoor exploration. As I look back over our feed I have to just shake my head. We do more in two weeks than most people do all year! As parents we deal with whining, we “bribe” our kids with trail snacks, we have days where we’d rather just sit. But, as we practice and keep trying, getting out with our kids gets easier. Our kids now ENJOY going out. They’ve learned everyone really is happier if we spend time outside every day. If that’s the only lesson they learn on this crazy adventure of ours it’ll be enough. -@CurrentlyWandering

Palm Canyon Nature Trail

One of the best and easiest hikes in the park is the Palm Canyon Nature Trail. Its about 3 miles round trip and fairly flat as you follow the wash up in the canyon. Turning a corner and seeing a tight knit clump of palm trees was pretty amazing. We grabbed an info sheet from the kiosk and read about the various plants, animals, and cultural significance of the are on our way up.

Definitely take the alternate trail back as it hugs the mountain more and gives you a great view of Borrego Springs.

Our afternoon adventure led us to an oasis. The kids were delighted to discover so much water and life in the middle of a desert. -@TelegramSam

Tucked back in Palm Canyon lies this beautiful oasis of palm trees, waterfalls, scrambling rocks, and vegetation. Seeing as we are smack dab in the middle of the Anza Borrego desert, the scenario pleasantly surprised us. Rachel dubbed this easy, 3 mile nature trail the “best hike we’ve ever done – and we do a lot of hiking!”. Not sure how I feel about that. -@CurrentlyWandering

More Metal Sculptures

With sandstorms to the left of me and rainstorms to the right, we explored some more of the desert metal sculptures yesterday. Most were of animals, but a few included humans, including this sculpture of grape vine workers. The kids wanted in on the work.
The windstorms knocked out power in town yesterday, and continued into the morning before finally yielding to calm. -@TelegramSam

“Hey! Stop fighting guys!” The the other day @telegramsam took the kids out to explore the other group of local, metal statues. They found a giant scorpion, large serpent, grape workers, and even some ground sloths.


Where was I you may ask? Totally in a funk. I ended up hiking solo straight up the nearest mountain to try and gain some perspective on my goals, work, family, marriage and pretty much everything. I suppose everyone goes through their personal dark tunnels yet often we feel alone when it’s our turn. I’m so grateful for a patient husband, understanding friends, the love of my Savior and blessings of the Atonement of Christ.
I’ve got changes to make. It’ll be slow and most likely painful but I’m confident I’ll make it through stronger on the other side. -@CurrentlyWandering

We hitched up and drove out of Anza-Borrego today. We are headed North in a slightly crazy plan for a place to celebrate Christmas. -@TelegramSam

With crazy winds at night and the desire to escape the swirling sand storms we hitched up and drove out towards Las Vegas and our Christmas plans.

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California National Parks On the Water

Kayaking on Santa Cruz Island, California

kayaking-santa-cruz

This last Thanksgiving weekend, we spent 3 days out in Channel Islands National Park. The park consists of 5 islands located off the coast of southern California.

While doing research prior to the trip, I discovered one of the attractions for Santa Cruz Island is the sea caves. We have enjoyed paddling in lakes, streams, and rivers so adding some pacific sea cave kayaking to our resumes sounded like fun!

When We Visited: November 22-25, 2016

Ages of Kids: 11, 9, 6

channel-islands-2016_33We have a reasonable amount of paddling experience, and toyed with the idea of renting kayaks and bringing them on the ferry. After some research and discussion, however, both Sam and I agreed this adventure was out of our comfort zone. Instead we contacted Santa Barbara Adventure Company, who graciously agreed to comp both Sam & my fees on a media/press/blogger expedition. They are one of a few outfitters serving the Channel Islands and came highly recommended by some outdoor friends. They provided the kayaks, gear, and guides for our experience even going above and beyond with an extra guide to paddle with Andrew as all kids under 12 are required to paddle with an adult.

We walked down from the campground on Wednesday morning, and met our group near their equipment on the beach. Starting times vary as the ferry arrival isn’t super consistent. Many of the participants were coming over for just the day so we had to wait until everyone was unloaded. Totally not a problem.

Before we hit the water, we outfitted in our suits, PFDs, and a good application of sunscreen. Wrestling kids into wet suits was a bit of a challenge for both them and us, but we all made it work. Our last major experience in the ocean was in Florida over Christmas, and water there was quite warm. Here in the Pacific the water is significantly colder so we opted for both wet suits and paddle jackets!

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After gearing up, we had a quick safety talk. Our guides instructed us on paddle handling, how to get in the boat (rear end first, then swing your legs over!), and safety measures should someone fall out. The weather that morning was fairly windy, and I was grateful for our choice to work with an outfitter and for their attention to our safety. Our guides reiterated that if we weren’t comfortable we wouldn’t have fun and to let them know if we experienced difficulties!

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Our guides specifically advised paying attention to our seat adjustment in the kayak. There are a set of straps that adjust the sitting position, and getting it right made a huge difference. Most of us got adjusted properly before launch, but Rachel needed some adjustment during our paddle. She was really struggle with leg cramps (and attitude!) and came close to the edge of a total meltdown. Our super attentive guide recognized her discomfort and managed her straps while on the water. While it wasn’t a fix for her attitude problems, we definitely solved the leg cramping and her spirits improved considerably!

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The kayaks are tandem kayaks and for good reason. During difficult wind or swell conditions it can take all the effort of two good paddlers to fight the waves. Sam is our strongest paddler, so he paired with 6-year-old Cara. I’m not the most amazing paddler myself, so Rachel came with me. Andrew joined a guide in a double kayak. He can be seen in the picture below, holding up a Giant Antler Kelp we found floating on the surface.

The main attraction to see around the islands are the sea caves at the bottom of the cliffs. We were able to paddle into and through several caves during our tour, and it was a great experience. We paddled along the edge of the cliffs to visit each spot, pausing in small coves to rest. On the first half of the trip, we were paddling against both the wind and the swell, and it was really challenging. Turns out you can also get a little motion sick while paddling a kayak through the ocean!

During our breaks, we listened to the now obvious advice from our guides and anchored ourselves to the kelp beds during our rests. By grabbing a handful of kelp, your kayak would not drift away, yet required no paddling to keep in place. Seriously genius.

Our guides talked to us about the island, the wildlife, how the caves were formed and other interesting facts about the area. I loved that our tour was not only physical exercise, it was informative as well. Two of the caves we visited were pretty large, but the last and smallest had fairly tight quarters. We entered one at a time and had just enough room to spin around and head back out. Only open at certain tide levels, the cave is called “Shark’s Teeth” and was definitely everyone’s favorite!

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It isn’t very obvious in the picture below, but the seas were pretty rough at points of our trip. At one point Jess and Rachel needed some help and accepted a temporary tow from one of the guides. Little Cara tried hard, but Sam was clearly doing most of the difficult work. At the halfway point of our trip, we had an opportunity to paddle past the point of the island to look down its length. This put us in full exposure to the stiff wind and oncoming swell

With guides present, we were able to be a little more adventurous. Sam and Cara paddled hard out beyond the point into the big swells, knowing that if they had some trouble guides were not far away. We also appreciated their knowledge of the sea caves, and which were safe to enter given the sea conditions and the current level of the water.

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We turned around and made it back across from the beach with about an hour and a half left in our time. Here we had the option to beach our kayaks, or to continue south and explore the other end of the island. We knew our kids were tired and it would be a paddle upwind to return, so we opted out. The rest of our group continued on but we were definitely happy with what we had accomplished.

After stowing our kayak gear, Cara surprised us by insisting she wanted to go snorkeling. For no additional charge Santa Barbara Adventure Co will also provide snorkel gear. While Sam and I added a wet suit jacket to our sleeveless suits, our guide fitted the three of us with fins & masks. Rachel and Andrew, however, walked back to the tents for a rest claiming they were too tired for a swim. Apparently kayaking totally wore them out!

Cara didn’t last long, but watching her excitedly point out fish and swim through tall kelp was adorable! She seemed excited to have mom and dad all to herself and dove in like a champ. The kids all learned to snorkel on the Dry Tortugas last year, and apparently Cara liked it enough to go again. This time we had kelp beds instead of coral and it was fun to experience something completely different.

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As a family we participate in a lot of outdoor adventure. From backpacking to mountain biking, or simple nature walks we regularly push our physical and mental boundaries. This kayak trip was definitely one of the hardest outdoor experiences we’ve had. That said, I’m so glad we did it! We felt completely safe and taken care of by our guides – which is honestly one of the best ways to push your limits.

If you head to Santa Cruz Islands in the Channel Islands National Park, definitely make the time for some sea kayaking while you are there. It’ll be worth it!