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Daily Life Faith Mommy Diaries

I’m Just Not Good Enough

I sat outside on my yoga mat with my eyes closed and just breathed. It was cold outside in south eastern Arizona, but the sun warmed my upturned face. The kids were off in the grasslands playing in their “fort” and I could hear them laughing in the distance. For a moment I was content to just be me.

For so long I’ve kept an unhealthy pace. Not content to simply write about our adventures and traveling from a journal perspective, this blogging adventure morphed into more of a business.  In order to be a “blogger” I created a laundry list of items to check off my list. Work with brands. Acquire advertising revenue. Make money. Gain followers. Attend conferences. Grow my audience. Somewhere along the journey I lost track of our original goal: Help and inspire families through outdoor adventure and travel. Soon that goal was buried under a pile of “supposed to’s”.  [perfectpullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]”What if we are normal and quiet and happy? Does that count?” -Brené Brown[/perfectpullquote]

Page after page in my personal journal over the last year talks of unhappiness, discontentment, and an overwhelming feeling of not being good enough. I’m not a good enough blogger. I don’t have enough time to keep up with all the projects in my head. I’m a horrible wife. I’m not a good enough mother. I’m a terrible at traveling full time – I can’t even keep things together. I paid too much attention to social media and somehow the majority of my self worth was determined by how many followers I had, or how many likes a particular photo received.

Its not a healthy way to live.

Last December I decided I was done. Done with pretty much everything. I was upset, depressed, and really just couldn’t get things together. I desperately wanted things to change and I finally had the courage to start saying “No”.

Its amazing the peace that a little two letter word brought into my life. Facebook came off my phone (I can’t even begin to tell you how angry it makes me), I put one of my Instagram accounts on hold, I left a group the core group of amazing women working on the 365MileChallenge project. While I still have companies and brands I love and plan to work with, I stopped soliciting new ones and have been more selective of the projects we take on.

We invented a card game. I can’t tell you how ridiculously excited I am about that.

I decided to focus my blogging more on telling our story. I carry my Kindle with me everywhere in an effort to read good books instead of mindlessly scrolling on my phone. I’ve made an effort to exercise regularly again, eat healthy, and we’ve slowed our travel pace considerably. 18 days at McDowell Mountain in Arizona was a balm for my fracture soul.

[perfectpullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]”I give myself permission to slow down. I’m finally succumbing to the fact that I don’t have to DO and that I can just BE.” – Kelli France[/perfectpullquote] But, most importantly I turned my heart back to the Lord. With all my new free time I’ve concentrated on beginning my day with scripture study. Even if its just 10 minutes before I get up and get the day going, I feel more at peace and focused.  I make sure that I pray every day.  We are working hard as a family to keep the Sabbath Day holy. One of my good friends introduced me to an online institute class that is sponsored by her stake in Utah. Sisters in Scriptures is taught by truly inspired women and I’m grateful they’ve made their classes available as podcasts. Learning more about the Doctrine & Covenants through this class has also enriched my Sunday study of the same book of scripture.

Slowly but surely I feel myself pulling back from the black void I felt was imminent in my future.  Looking back I feel that perhaps I overreacted. It really couldn’t have been that bad, could it? Its amazing how easily our mind adapts and glosses over the bleaker portions of our lives. It WAS that bad, but now instead of listening to my gremlins I take time to remember what I’m grateful for. When my inner demons tell me I’m not good enough I can respond with “Yes I am. I am enough. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone.”

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Arizona Biking WanderLog

Mountain Biking at McDowell Mountain Regional Park, Arizona

McDowell Mountain Regional Park as been on my “visit list” for at least 2 years. We even had reservations here two years ago, but it was too late in the spring and we cancelled in favor of higher elevation to escape the heat.

When we decided to spend winter 2017 in Arizona again, McDowell Mountain climbed immediately to the top of list. Originally we reserved 8 days thinking that would be long enough to explore the trails thoroughly. Then we actually arrived, and 8 days turned into 18. Even then we were all sad to leave, and are making plans to come back relatively soon.

Travel Dates: January 5 – 22, 2017

McDowell Mountain State Park is known for its trails. Specifically, its mountain biking trails. You can hike or ride horses on them as well, but the majority of users we’ve seen have been on bikes. They also have a competitive track and run races here on a regular basis.

Mountain biking in the desert is a completely different experience. We’ve biked in Utah, Minnesota, Florida, California and plenty of other states, but the Sonoran Desert is unique. Rolling, mildly sandy trails, Saguaro catcus, ocatillo, palo verde, and jagged mountains all make this landscape one of a kind. Throw in a few amazing Arizona sunsets (seriously they are not this good ANYWHERE else) and you can begin to understand our difficulty leaving.

The Campground

This campground fills up regularly. After our initial 8 day reservation, we spent a few days in the campground overflow (basically a parking lot), 2 days back in our original site, and then we managed to pick up a 5 day site that backed up to the playground. You can look online for sites, but once you are here you can avoid the reservation fee by just calling in or talking to the campground hosts in person at the nature center.

There is a 14 day stay limit in any one site, so even if you want to be here longer you’ll have to shuffle around. Sites are water/electric so unless you are camping solo and have large tanks, you’re going to need to take a trip to the dump station anyway.

Sites are level, spacious, and not too close together. They all have a picnic table (the sturdy stone kind), and a fire pit. We always find it amusing when the camp hosts rake the gravel nicely between campers, but it does make the site feel tidy and neat.

The Trails

Someone asked me on Instagram if all the trails we’ve encountered are this smooth and rolling. Nope. Don’t let the smoothness fool you though, from the campground headed north-west all the trails are uphill. We could easily get in a good 8 mile loop in an hour and feel like we got worked. Its nice to head uphill first and then have a nice, swift downhill on the return.

Some of our favorite loops:

For the Kids

Granite – Bluff – Granite (4 miles): Start at the campground and take the connector trail to Granite. Stay on Granite when it turns left and heads down into the wash. Climb back up and you’ll run into Bluff. Turn left and enjoy the ride down back to Granite. Turn right to head back to the campground. Granite is a nice, easy, rolling uphill, and Bluff is slightly more technical on the way down. The downhill is fun with some rollers but overall not technical (except for the waterbars).

Tortoise – Pemberton – Shallmo Wash – Escondido – Cinch – Scenic – Pemberton – Tortoise (4 miles): Feels like a lot of trails but many of them are short connectors. Start at the nature center and ride Tortoise down to the intersection. From here its an easy 0.1 miles on PB until you hit SH. SH is a great downhill – fast and furious until you hit the staging area. From here find the trail head for Escondido and follow it 0.2 miles up to the turn off for CI. 0.6 miles up CI you’ll continue on up Scenic. Its fairly smooth and not steep, just a gradual uphill the entire way. Turn left on PB and ride the short distance back to TO and then up to the nature center.

Rachel rode this one with Sam and I, but I’m not sure I’d take the other two. Cara and Andrew did ride with Sam from the campground down Tortoise and Shallmo Wash to the competitive track where I picked them up after we played around for a bit.

“Cara sometimes gets frustrated as she’s not as capable as the older kids. She was upset the other night because she was scared to ride the hills on the pump track. I assured her she didn’t have to ride, it was okay to be scared, and that we would keep practicing until she felt comfortable. Instead of quitting Cara put her intense game face on and rode the hills over and over until she smiled and laughed the whole way. I’ve never seen such fierce determination and desire to overcome an obstacle. I hope that’s a lesson she keeps with her for the rest of her life!” -@currentlywandering

North Trail (3 miles): We drove up McDowell Mountain Park Dr and Asher View Dr to park at the trail head for North Trail. Along Asher View Dr. there is an amazingly old and gnarly Saguaro cactus we had to get out and inspect – so don’t miss that on your way. North Trail is a fairly tame 3 mile loop. You can ride the trail in either direction and its pretty symmetrical. Gentle uphill and then back down on the return. Rachel found it almost too easy, while Cara was upset it was too sandy in spots to ride. Great recess break from school!

For the Adults

Granite – Delsie – Pemberton – Lariat – Granite (8 miles): Start from the campground and take the connector trail up to GR. About the same place GR splits off left and goes left down the wash, DL heads right and continues climbing. We felt this was one of the easier climbs but still managed to get a good work out. From there, this section of PB is super fun! A short sprint uphill and then its downhill, smooth, flowy and fun to Lariat. LR was a bit boring but you have to get back to camp somehow.

“First MTB ride is in the books with another scheduled for today. There are so many trails here and I intend to ride most of them over the next week. Not gonna lie – all of you and your snow photos are making me grateful for 70 degrees, sunshine, and cactus. 🌵☀” – @currentlywandering

Pemberton – Scenic – Cinch – Escondido – Pemberton (11 miles): This one starts at the trail head staging area which is also the campground overflow. This section of Pemberton is fairly smooth so its a nice ride up to Scenic. SN is definitely more rocky as it climbs up to and along the bluff. Definitely more technical and we do recommend riding it clockwise. Once we hit the bottom we turned onto Cinch which is a small connector to Escondido. ED is a nice rolling uphill all the way back to Pemberton. It is a good combination of technical and smooth rolling hills. I really liked it. Once you hit Pemberton again its downhill all the way back to the staging area.

Granite – Pemberton – Dixie Mine – Coachwhip – Pemberton – Bluff – Granite (14 miles): If you are looking for a rocky, technical trail than you’ll love this. Riding on a hardtail, I struggled over the rocks but it was still a really good loop. Granite is an easy fast couple of miles from the campground before your hit the turn off for Pemberton. From there follow the trail past the old Ranch homestead and then start climbing up towards Dixie Mine. This part of PB isn’t too rocky and traverses some really pretty landscapes. Once you hit Dixie, there’s a gradual, rocky downhill before hitting a gnarly, long technical climb. Summit is at the turn off for Coachwhip, which has a fun, rocky downhill before another long slog uphill. From there its mostly downhill or rolling all the back to Pemberton. We chose to turn left and end our ride down Bluff rather than doing a return up Granite the way we came. Definitely the better choice as downhill doesn’t  get much better than Bluff in this park!

A note about Tonto Trail, Granite & Delsie – These trails are super easy, gradual climbs. We came down Delsie once and it was actually quite boring, fast, but boring. Most of our trail rides including going up one of these trails and taking something a little more exciting on the return. Tonto is steeper than Delsie which is steeper than Granite.

Hanging Out With Friends & Regular Life

One of my favorite parts of our stay was hanging out with friends. @TheFamilyCan came up from Lost Dutchman to join us and we convinced them to hang out for more than a week (it wasn’t hard). Our kids played for HOURS at the playground, we enjoyed a few campfires, and the kids had some solid Minecraft time. We loved having other adult company!

“Our kids have spent hours at the playground with @thefamilycan this week. Mostly it’s been Harry Potter games and imagination central, but after they left today Andrew found a different use for the slide.” -@currentlywandering

The only downside to this park is that laundry is 45 minutes away no matter which way you drive. I paired our laundry trips with grocery shopping and other errands so it wasn’t too bad.

We have some college friends down in Gilbert, and they were gracious enough to watch our kids while Sam and I attended a session at the Gilbert, Arizona LDS temple. We loved catching up with them as they are nomads at heart and are still trying to figure out how to take their 5 kids on the road someday.

“Roughly three years ago we attended the Gilbert LDS Temple open house as we passed through Arizona heading West. This week we had a chance to attend a session as we pass through Arizona (slowly) headed East. I love the focus that the Temple brings, pointing us to the Gospel of Christ and His Atoning Sacrifice. Visiting so many different temples is one of the perks of a nomadic life.” -@telegramsam

“We visited some college friends yesterday and the the kids got a kick out of their indoor trampoline. Everybody needs awesome friends like this! This is not the only cool thing in their lives as @funawesomefamily has a fun YouTube channel with plenty of fun family stuff.” -@telegramsam

We were stationary long enough to get not 1, but 2 Amazon deliveries. We utilized the Amazon locker pick- up that is available in the Phoenix area and it worked like a charm. You send your package to a nearby locker and then use your phone or a code on the keypad and it pops open your locker with package(s) inside. Brilliant. Now we just need these in more remote areas.

One of Airstream’s marketing companies paid us a visit and we were privileged to be interviewed by their amazing team. They are rolling out a new “Home” campaign highlighting the various uses of full-time Airstreamers and we can’t wait to see how they edit our story together. Lisa gave us a preview of some of their previous shoots and they look top notch. Ours should be published in a few months and we’ll definitely let everyone know when it goes live!

“Fell in love with our tiny, shiny space all over again today. We spent a couple of hours cleaning yesterday in preparation for a video/photo project with @airstream_inc today. Our house looks amazing! If only the kids could keep it this clean all the time.” -@currentlywandering

We briefly went “ice skating” with @campytrails in Bakersfield a month ago and the kids have been begging to try it for real since then. With my ankle still not to full strength we determined I shouldn’t skate (not really my thing anyway) but I came along for moral support. Sam was amazingly patient with the kids and they learned to glide around the ice. I can definitely see more of this in our future!

One last errand to top off our stay was to replace our toilet. We weren’t really planning on it, but the darn thing sprung a leak (clean water thank goodness!) and we decided it was time. After some research Sam sent me to Camping World in Mesa, AZ where they had the correct toilet in stock. Really grateful this happened in civilization and not out boondocking in the desert!

We had a fabulous stay at McDowell Mountain and honestly can’t wait to go back. We attended a record three times at the same LDS ward in Fountain Hills, and there are plenty of hikes, museums and restaurants we weren’t able to check off our list. For now, however, its off to south eastern Arizona!

 

Categories
Backpacking Outdoor Gear

Gear Review: Deuter Fox 30 Backpack for Kids

We started backpacking with our kids in 2015 with a fun 2 night, 3 day trip to the Apostle Islands National Lakeshore. We used the packs we had on hand, which included small, and slightly uncomfortable day packs for both Andrew and Cara. They weren’t designed to hold much weight (which was fine) but also were a bit bulky and pulled on their shoulders more than we wanted.

After completing two more backpack trips as we traveled around Lake Superior we decided it was time to upgrade. As we looked around at pack companies , the clear winner was Deuter – the same German company that we had bought our Kid Comfort III carrier from we were still hauling toddlers around on our backs.

I contacted Deuter hoping to get in on their family ambassador program, but alas. They currently had all the ambassadors they needed. Instead, their representative graciously sent us the Deuter Fox 30 Kid’s pack to review.

Santa Cruz Island – Channel Islands National Park

I had originally planned for the pack to fit Rachel (age 10) but after trying it on we felt the bag was slightly small for her as she’s pretty tall. Luckily, it fit Andrew (age 8) perfectly.

Testing Duration: 3 days, 2 nights on Cumberland Island National Seashore; 4 days, 3 nights on Channel Islands National Park

Best Uses: Short backpacking trips, or longer day hikes.

Quick Specs: 2.6 pounds, 30 liters, 60/23/22 (H x W X D) cm

MSRP: $99

Find it: Fox 30 on Amazon, Fox30 at REI

Vari Quick Adjustable Shoulders Straps:

One of my favorite features of many of the Deuter backpacks are the adjustable shoulder straps. There’s nothing worse than buying expensive gear only to have your child grow out of it within a few months. With their Vari Quick system, the shoulder straps are easily adjustable and can grow with your child.

To size the pack, we adjusted the hip belt so the pack sat firmly on his hips. Next we determined how far above his shoulders the straps were and adjusted them up or down as needed. The straps shouldn’t sit right on shoulders, but are more for balance. Most of the pack weight should be on the hips.

Padded Shoulders & Hip Belt

The Fox 30 also has plenty of padding on both the shoulder straps and the hip belts. One reason day packs are so light is either the lack of a waist belt, or a simple buckle to keep the bag from swinging around. Totally fine if you are doing a quick day hike, but for multi-days the straps start to wear on your shoulders. I’ve also had plenty of bruised and sore hips from carrying my pack on a multi day trip and didn’t want that for my kids.

I do wish the pack had pockets on the hip belt. We call this our “garbage” pockets and its easy for kids to stash small candy wrappers (hiking incentives) or even to stow away trash they find along the trail as we are hiking.

Hydration Compatible

This pack is hydration compatible – although you wouldn’t know from my picture! Ha! Not sure why we just stashed the bladder on top, but the pack does have a zippered pocket to slide water into. I love it when our kids carry their own water and can sip as we hike. It definitely keeps them more hydrated!

Compression Straps & Outside Pockets

I love the stretchy pockets on either side of the bag. Its super easy to shove a puffy vest, or stuffed animal in those and I don’t have to worry about anything falling out. Andrew loves hooking his pocket knife to the daisy chain, and there are bungee cords to strap on a hiking pole if needed.

Overall I feel like there are possibly too many straps. Sometimes we don’t hook them all together and they dangle, or we get them mixed up. It is nice to have a tightly cinched pack, but I’m not sure this one needs two on each side.

Bottom Access

Many packs have both top down and bottom access. This makes packing the bag, and getting things out a bit easier as you can separate your gear more nicely. Its easy to stuff his sleeping bag and pad down in the bottom and then pile everything else in through the top. This doesn’t have a divider though which I actually prefer to keep weight higher up, but it works just fine.

Cumberland Island National Seashore – Georgia

This pack is the perfect size for Andrew to carry just his stuff without being overly heavy. We’ve tried to accumulate light weight gear so he can take his sleeping bag, pad, clothes, animals, water, and kindle while still being able to hike 4 or 5 miles.

The Fox 30 is basically an adult back shrunk down to fit a child roughly ages 7 – 10 years old. It has many of the features I like in my own bag and helps Andrew to feel capable while carrying his own gear on a hike. If you are looking for a starting backpack for your child, we definitely recommend getting one of these!

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Airstream Accessories Inside the Airstream

Tour of our Airstream 2017 Edition

We recently had the opportunity to interview with Airstream for a new campaign they are rolling out in 2017. As they were coming to do a video interview and then a photo shoot, we decided a thorough clean was in order.

Its amazing that we can deep clean our entire house in just a few hours.

With everyone working together, we scrubbed, cleaned, organized, and tidied up the entire house. We washed the windows inside and out (those not covered by screens), washed all the walls & cabinets, took down the last of our winter decorations, and cleaned the floor including all the edges (what a difference that made!). I’m not sure I remember the last time it was this clean. We also put away all the random items usually left out – you’ll notice a distinct lack of cords underneath our table.

It felt great. After we were finished with the interview,  Sam took the kids down to the pump track with their bikes to play for a bit before dinner. I sat inside the Airstream and soaked up every inch of it. I love how clean, light and airy it feels inside our house. I love that we’ve made it our space. Its unique. From our fridge with our favorite magnets, to the photos on the walls, to the custom beds in the back for the kids, we’ve truly made this space our home over the last three years.

As I’m not sure when the next time we’ll have the Airstream THIS clean, I decided to document the occasion with a photo shoot of my own.

For those not familiar with our Airstream – we own a 27FB International CCD. We have removed the queen bed in the bedroom area and replaced it with three beds for the kids (remodel posts here). We sleep on the pull out couch with our bedroll (super comfy and easy access to the ice cream in the freezer after the kids are in bed!).

We have more renovation plans up our sleeves – just not sure when would be the best time to execute. We want a U-Shaped dinette (dubbed “The Grand Lounge”) and Cara needs a new bed as she’s outgrown her toddler-sized mattress. Perhaps we’ll get to those this year, but we already have a lot of changes on our horizon so they might have to wait. For now, I love that we’ve documented this phase of our Airstream life!

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Arizona WanderLog

Learning How to Just “Be” in the Desert for New Year’s

If you’ve followed us for any length of time, you’ve probably realized we move fairly frequently. We aren’t the type of travelers to sit in place for weeks on end, but are fueled by getting out and discovering new places.

It’s exhausting.

One of our goals this winter was to find free boondocking spots in the middle of the desert and just “be”.  Learn to relax and not be on the go all the time. I feel that perhaps a bit of the pressure to explore exotic and new places comes from social media. There’s always that pressure to post the next “amazing” photo, and I seem to struggle the most with the ability to let go.

Travel Dates: December 29, 2016 – January 4, 2017

As we sat in the Kofa desert near Quartszite, AZ for New Year’s Eve I had a chance to do exactly what we intended. It was difficult. I was antsy for a few days, even angry more than once. We were surrounded by amazing friends, yet I still struggled.

“Sometimes it feels like we are going in circles.”

“Being out in the desert has been fantastic – have you ever smelled creosote bushes after a rainstorm? 😍 At the same time I’ve been digging deep and trying to discover why I couldn’t just boondock for weeks at a time like some of our friends can.

I think it comes down to being bored. There’s really nothing out here. We went on the 1 mile “hike” up Palm Canyon, looked for quartz crystals, and visited the spiral labyrinth. And…That’s about all there is. There’s not really even a proper grocery store in the nearest town about 20 minutes away. But why does that matter? Why can’t I just be?

I think I pressure myself to provide opportunities for my kids and my expectations have inflated in the process. Exploring has taken the place of soccer, dance classes, or piano so when there’s nothing to explore I just feel empty and impatient. We’ve tried to expand our collection of outside toys so that I can just send my kids outside to play, but it’s still hard. For some reason that’s not enough for me. It’s not good enough. Not interesting enough. Not epic enough to reflect the lifestyle we are living.

I’m hoping this winter I can change. Not everyday needs to be epic hikes or science museums. I hope I can be content to sit outside and read, or throw around a frisbee with my kids. That just being together is enough. Less focusing on social expectations of our life and more being content with who I am.”

One afternoon we completed the only “hike” the area. An easy 2 mile round trip up Palm Canyon. We arrived back to the truck thinking that wasn’t “enough” but maybe it was.

Stephanie & Gus (@stephaniewv81 & @gm3sf) spearheaded a New Year’s Eve Potluck dinner. We gathered as nomads and feasted on chicken pot pie, cornbread, tacos, bean dip, chili, salad, and plenty of dessert.  Sam and I didn’t make it until midnight (hard to see the point when there’s 9am church the following morning!) but we enjoyed the time we had chatting around the propane campfire and swapping stories.

Living in a community of nomads for a week is vastly entertaining. Everyone has work (and sometimes school) to accomplish during the day and we often keep to ourselves. Evenings were spent playing games (thanks to everyone who helped us out with our prototype card game!), hanging out in trailers with a grand lounge, or playing frisbee before dinner. Our kids especially loved playing with Gus & Stephanie’s dog Gracie. She’s super cute and little and the kids all agreed we needed a dog her size. Sam and I disagreed.

We celebrated one final evening together at the local pizza joint in honor of Heather’s birthday (@h_livingistheadventure). Armed with noise makers, cake, & ice cream we took up an entire corner of the restaurant and probably brought the average age down a decade or two as Quartszite is a popular place for retirees in the winter.

“Morning in the Airstream often looks like this. Andrew snuggling @jesscurren in our bed, Cara getting started on schoolwork, and a few dishes that didn’t get washed last night. I get to watch the morning unfold as I work from the table.” -@telegramsam

As it came time for most of us to move on I honestly became nostaglic. I enjoyed having friends close by without the pressure to really “do” anything. There were a few evenings Sam and I snuggled under a blanket outside in our camping chairs and gazed in awe at all the stars.

I think I finally started to relax. I’m hoping we can have more experiences like that this winter and can’t wait to meet up with our friends again down the road.